Comparing Yourself to Others? Try Rejoicing!
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What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you meet an old classmate and discover he’s now the CEO of a global fintech firm, while you remain an employee?
Do you feel a twinge of jealousy, wishing it were you, and dismiss it as sheer luck? Or do you genuinely feel proud and delighted for his success? Perhaps you want to be happy for him, but a small, persistent ache lingers inside, making you wonder why you feel left behind. For most of us, generating joy for others’ success doesn’t come naturally, but it is a quality we can deliberately cultivate through practice and awareness.
Jealousy is a complex emotion that is hard to admit and even harder to face. It manifests in various forms such as competitiveness, envy, resentment, insecurity, and the fear of being excluded. It often sneaks up on us, for instance, while we’re scrolling through social feeds, creating an artificial “us vs. them” sense of separation. Knowing deep down that jealousy isn’t helpful doesn't stop the spiral into negative emotions like anxiety or low self-worth.
Why Do We Get Jealous? The Comparison Trap
Feeling jealous happens to even the best of us because we are wired for social evaluation. Society’s emphasis on performance and material achievement, magnified by social media, sets invisible standards for measuring our worth. The irony is, the more we chase an imagined version of someone else’s life, the further we drift from our own. This comparison cycle traps us in self-doubt and discontent.
At its core, jealousy comes from the belief that we are not good enough as we are; it is a deep-seated insecurity that can quickly grow into self-hatred. Modern psychology calls this ‘social comparison,’ while Buddhism sees it as one of the five poisons; both point to how it distorts our sense of self-worth. It clouds our wisdom and is a primary cause of pain and suffering for both ourselves and those around us.
It’s not easy to keep jealousy at bay, but noticing it when it first arises is the important first step toward freedom. Instead of beating yourself up for feeling jealous, a better alternative is to develop a more loving and compassionate way to respond to these feelings.
Rejoicing: The Antidote to Jealousy
Jealousy closes the heart; rejoicing opens it. The practice of rejoicing—finding joy in others’ happiness—is one of the most direct and beautiful antidotes to jealousy.
Unlike happiness, which is usually fleeting and dependent on external factors like money or success, rejoicing is like an inner alchemy—a deliberate blend of joy, compassion, and love. It’s the recognition that another person’s good fortune takes nothing away from you. When we generate this inner joy, we are freed from the trappings of jealousy, and our hearts naturally feel lighter.
Why Rejoicing Works
It might seem paradoxical: how can celebrating someone else’s success make us feel lighter and more joyful? That’s precisely why rejoicing is so powerful. Each time we genuinely rejoice, we let go of jealousy and stop feeding insecurity and discontent. Instead, we nurture a mind that is open, content, and compassionate.
From a Buddhist perspective, rejoicing also generates merit—the positive energy arising from wholesome thoughts and actions. This merit acts like spiritual good fortune, creating the conditions for greater happiness, inner peace, and even success in life. Lama Zopa Rinpoche refers to this as creating “skies of merit,” calling rejoicing the quickest way to accumulate vast spiritual goodness. Every time we celebrate someone’s success, health, or happiness, we clear the mental fog that jealousy brings, restore our energy, and open our hearts to growth and opportunity.
Jealousy clouds our wisdom and can block our path to success. By letting go and choosing to rejoice, we free our minds, see opportunities more clearly, and cultivate compassion and self-worth. This simple practice quietly removes obstacles, allowing genuine success and joy to flourish.
So, the next time jealousy arises, pause and ask yourself gently: Do I want more happiness? Do I want more peace? Do I want good fortune to come my way? If the answer is yes, then rejoice — sincerely, even in small ways.
How to Practise Rejoicing
Rejoicing, the act of finding joy, is said to be one of the simplest practices in Buddhism. It doesn’t require elaborate rituals, an altar or a special mantra. It can start small, quietly, in the heart and in the mind. For instance, when you see someone thrive, pause before you make a comparison. Breathe, smile and say silently: “May you be blessed with even more goodness.” Like any habit, it can be cultivated and grows stronger with practice.
You can start by rejoicing in your own merit—acknowledging your kindness, effort, and growth. Each time you appreciate your small wins, you strengthen your confidence and inner peace.
Next, rejoice in the merit of others—friends, family, even strangers. When a friend shares their achievement, like a promotion or buying a home, take a breath before comparing. Think: “How wonderful that this has happened for you. Like me, they want to be happy. May your joy and success continue.” Every time you rejoice, you are planting the seed for your own future joy.
Finally, rejoice in the merit of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Reflect on their infinite compassion and wisdom, and let that inspiration fill your heart. In Buddhist teachings, taking joy in the enlightened qualities of the Buddhas is a powerful way to let go of jealousy and accumulate abundant merit.
As you keep practising, perhaps during a quiet moment after a Buddhist class or on your way home, you may feel a gentle shift inside you. Little by little, you may notice that joy starts to come more easily than jealousy.
From Jealousy to Joy
Next time you find yourself comparing your life to someone else’s, remember this paradox: the fastest way to invite true happiness is to celebrate theirs. Joy is an expandable resource that multiplies when shared. The more we genuinely rejoice in others’ success and happiness, the more our own grows. This is the path to freedom from the suffering that comparison brings.
Practising rejoicing is a quiet, radical act. Each time we choose it, we heal the part of ourselves that once believed we weren’t enough. It helps us see the world as abundant, cultivating wishes for the well-being and happiness of all beings.
Shantideva said in the Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life [5:77]:
All the virtuous deeds of others are the source of a joy
That would be rare even if it could be bought with money.
Therefore I should be happy in finding this joy
In the good things that are done by others