The Meaning of “All Mother Sentient Beings” 

The aspiration to achieve enlightenment for the sake of others—bodhicitta—is the heart of the Mahayana path. Bodhicitta arises from recognizing the preciousness of every living being and sincerely wishing for their happiness and liberation. 

One common meditation practice for developing bodhicitta is to see all sentient beings as one’s mother. This rests on the understanding that throughout our beginningless past lives, each being has, at some point, been our mother. They’ve been caring for us, protecting us, and giving us life. To recognise this kindness is to nurture the seed of gratitude and compassion that blossoms into bodhicitta. 

But what happens if our relationship with our actual mother, or family members, is marked by conflict, neglect, or even trauma? 

The Challenge of Family Wounds 

Rinpoche acknowledges that this teaching becomes especially difficult when one harbors resentment toward one’s own mother or family members. These wounds are real, often rooted in childhood insecurities, unmet needs, or painful karmic conditions. 

In Buddhist terms, such individuals may be described as yuan qin (冤亲)—a term sometimes translated as “karmic creditors”, or literally, “grievanced relatives,” which captures the sense of accumulated hurts and misunderstandings. These relationships are not accidental; they arise from shared karma and provide opportunities for profound practice. 

Far from suggesting that we deny our pain, Rinpoche teaches us to face it directly, to heal, and to eventually transform resentment into compassion. 

Meeting Pain with Self-Reflection 

The first step is self-reflection. To extend compassion to others, we must first recognize and accept our own trauma and anger. As Rinpoche notes, moments of anger or irritation can be powerful teachers: when we feel our face flush or our body tense, we are being shown exactly where our inner wounds lie. Instead of turning away, we can treat these moments as jewels, as opportunities for healing and growth. 

Healing begins by acknowledging the child within us who first experienced the hurt. We must be willing to face our own fear, not suppress it. Only then can we begin to release our attachment to suffering. Many people unconsciously cling to their pain, replaying the story of being wronged. Letting go requires courage, but it is the doorway to freedom. 

Rinpoche even suggests practical exercises, such as writing down all our anger and negative thoughts, then visualizing them being flushed away. Such symbolic acts reinforce the inner work of renunciation. Not of family ties, but of the anger, trauma, and pain that bind us. 

Seeing “Grievanced Relatives” as Teachers 

One of Rinpoche’s most radical yet liberating teachings is that those who hurt us are often our greatest teachers. The person who irritates you the most is actually the kindest, because they reveal your hidden attachments and fears. Without them, these obstacles would remain unnoticed and untransformed. 

Rather than blaming or complaining, we can shift perspective: instead of seeing grievance relatives as burdens to escape, we can view them as precious opportunities to practice patience, compassion, and forgiveness. This does not mean condoning harmful behavior. Instead, it means recognizing that our karmic connection with them gives us a unique chance to grow in ways we otherwise could not. 

Forgiveness and the Choice of Love 

Forgiveness is central to healing. Rinpoche encourages practitioners to see their parents and ancestors not as villains but as imperfect beings doing their best with the conditions they inherited. Many acted out of love, even if their actions were misguided or hurtful. Recognizing this can soften the heart. 

Sometimes, direct reconciliation is impossible. Yet forgiveness can still be cultivated inwardly. Speaking to a parent’s photograph, or simply holding them in meditation, we can express love and release grievances. This act of inner dialogue allows us to acknowledge our pain while also choosing compassion. 

Ultimately, Rinpoche reminds us that love is a choice. Buddha himself is described as the embodiment of love, and to walk the path of the Buddha is to return, again and again, to love. Even when others cause harm, their basic wish for happiness remains unchanged. This recognition helps us cultivate unbiased compassion, a love not limited by conditions of “right” and “wrong.” 

Loving Yourself First 

It is easy to overlook, but Rinpoche stresses the importance of self-love and self-kindness. If we do not love ourselves, it is difficult to genuinely love others. Caring for our own well-being—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually—creates the foundation from which compassion for all beings can naturally arise. 

Self-love does not mean selfishness. It means recognizing our own worth and offering ourselves the same compassion we wish to give to the world. 

Dharma Practices for Healing 

The Buddhist path offers many practices to help transform resentment into compassion. 

Dedication of Merits: Instead of directing good deeds only to one’s parents, Rinpoche suggests making offerings to the Buddhas and dedicating the merits equally to all beings. In this vast act of giving, our parents naturally receive the benefit, but so does everyone else. 

Tonglen (Taking and Giving): In this meditation, we visualize taking on the suffering of others—including grievance relatives—in the form of dark smoke, and offering them our happiness and virtue as radiant light. This exchange opens the heart and dissolves resentment. 

Mandala Offering: Offering the entire universe to the lineage of Buddhas and Gurus expands our perspective beyond personal wounds and helps us pray for blessings for all beings. In the prayers for Inner Mandala offering, we offer our “attachment, anger and ignorance”, so that we may be liberated from our sufferings.  

Meditation on Emptiness: By understanding that all phenomena arise interdependently, we loosen fixed, negative views about ourselves and others. Resentments that once felt solid reveal themselves as fluid and changeable.  

From Pain to Boundless Love 

To truly love all mother sentient beings is not a superficial command to ignore or suppress our wounds. Instead, it is an invitation to turn inward, face our pain with courage, and transform it into compassion. Family wounds, though often the deepest, can become the very soil from which bodhicitta sprouts. 

By practicing self-reflection, forgiveness, and Dharma methods such as tonglen and mandala offering, we gradually learn to see even those who hurt us as teachers and benefactors. In this way, we fulfill the bodhisattva vow. Not by escaping pain, but by embracing it as the path to love without limit. 

As Rinpoche reminds us, the journey begins within. Heal yourself, love yourself, and from that healed heart, extend compassion to your parents, to your grievance relatives, and finally to the limitless expanse of all beings who, in this lifetime or another, have been our mothers.  

F.L.Y - First Love Yourself, as Rinpoche says, before loving others!