What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks, learn from failures, and adapt to challenges. It’s a critical skill that helps children approach this unpredictable world with curiosity, adaptability, and perseverance.

Resilience isn’t just about overcoming tough times but about growing from them. Children who develop resilience tend to have better mental health, form stronger relationships, and do better in school and with friends. However, building resilience doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a journey, and every child’s path is unique. We can help our children nurture resilience to handle life’s challenges by providing patience, guidance, and the right strategies.

How to Build Resilience in Children

Children learn from watching what adults do, especially when dealing with difficult situations. That’s why parents and caregivers play a crucial role in helping children get through tough times. If you stay calm and focused when things get tough, your child will likely do the same.

It’s also helpful to show your child that you understand what they are going through and how they feel; create a space where they can talk openly about their feelings and let them know everything will be okay. How you act and what you say can make a big difference in how your child handles their emotions.

If you are still trying to figure out how to help your children build resilience, don't worry. Here are some practical tips we compiled to get you started: 

1. Create a Safe Space
   Children need to feel safe and loved at home before they can deal with challenges. When your child is feeling down, say after a tough test, listen to them without judgement and offer support. This helps them to feel secure enough to share their worries with you and be motivated to improve.
   
   

2. Encourage Problem-Solving
   Instead of jumping in to solve their problems, encourage your child to devise their solutions. Ask questions like, “What do you think we should do?” This can help them gain confidence and develop problem-solving skills.
   
   

3. Teach Emotional Control
   Help your child understand their feelings and how to manage them. Teach them things like deep breathing or talking it out. This allows them deal with complex emotions as they grow up. For example, if your child is overwhelmed with homework, teach them simple breathing exercises to help them calm down and focus.
   
   

4. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results
   It’s important to praise your child for trying hard and learning from mistakes, not just for winning or being the best. This helps them see that the process is as important as the outcome. In the wise words of Winston Churchill: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”
   
   

5. Believe in Growth
   One of the best things you can do is help your child believe they can get better with practice. This is called having a ‘growth mindset’. If your child says, “I’m not good at this,” you can help them reframe their thinking to “I’m not good at this yet,”
   
   When your child has a growth mindset, they learn to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. To encourage this, praise their effort and progress, not just their intelligence or talent. For example, instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” say, “I’m impressed with how hard you worked.”
   
   

6. Give them Responsibilities
   Giving your child age-appropriate responsibilities is a great way to develop a sense of independence and self-reliance. It also teaches them the importance of contributing to the household or the community.
   
   Start by giving your child small tasks, like putting their toys away or setting the dinner table. Then, as they age, you can assign more complex tasks such as caring for a pet or helping with the laundry.
   
   By fostering a sense of responsibility, you help your child develop life skills. They will learn to manage their time, prioritise tasks, and work towards their goals. Furthermore, feeling responsible can boost your child’s self-esteem and confidence.
   
   

7. Remind Them of Their Strengths
   Everyone needs a little boost, and children are no exception. Ensure your child knows what they are good at and what they’ve achieved. Encourage them to talk to themselves positively, saying things like, “I can handle this.” This helps them believe in themselves and feel stronger when things get tough.
   
   

8. Teach Them to Embrace Change
   Life is full of changes, so teach your child to be flexible. Whether it's a new school, a different schedule, or changes at home, children who can adapt can handle life's twists and turns better. For example, if your child has to switch schools, encourage them to focus on making new friends instead of what they have left behind. This helps them adjust and thrive in the new environment.
   
   

Integrating Impermanence into Resilience

By teaching your child about impermanence and how all things will change, they will understand that there is no need to control every aspect of their life. There will be changes that they have to grow and adapt to, becoming flexible in facing challenges and changes in their life.

By practising this together, you’re not just teaching them a valuable skill; you’re also helping them build resilience for life’s ups and downs! 

Conclusion

Resilience is one of the most valuable life skills we can teach our children. It helps them handle life’s challenges with confidence and courage and become emotionally strong. As parents and caregivers, we need to create a supportive environment that encourages growth, emotional control, and learning from failure.

Building resilience takes time, patience, and understanding each child’s unique needs. What works for one child may not work for another, so be flexible. Look for opportunities in everyday life, like school challenges or helping around the house, to teach resilience.

Try out one of the strategies with your child today. It could be simply chatting about a recent challenge they faced or encouraging them to tackle a small problem by themselves. When you help your children build resilience, you prepare them for today’s challenges and equip them with the strength and mindset they’ll need for the rest of their lives.

If you want to understand resilience and how to support your children through tough times, you may wish to enroll your child in our Dharma Junior programme next year! Click here to find out more about Dharma Junior.