Understanding Self-Esteem

Self-esteem, simply put, is how we perceive our value and self-worth. It's the quiet voice whispering in our ears, telling us we're capable, worthy, and deserving of happiness. Unlike self-confidence, which is more about our belief in specific abilities, like baking a delicious cake, self-esteem is the bigger picture—the feeling that you’re valuable and worthy of happiness and love.

Healthy self-esteem drives motivation, enables us to face challenges head-on, and fosters positive relationships. In contrast, low self-esteem can leave us insecure, hesitant, and vulnerable to negativity. Making decisions, taking risks, or even enjoying the good things in life becomes challenging.

The Importance of Healthy Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem is crucial for our overall well-being. Think of self-esteem as a fertile ground where all aspects of our well-being can flourish. It impacts how we navigate life's challenges and opportunities. Here's why it matters:

• Confidence and Motivation: Healthy self-esteem fosters a sense of capability, making us more likely to take risks, pursue goals, and believe in ourselves.

• Positive Relationships: We attract and build healthier relationships when we value ourselves. This allows for better communication and setting boundaries.

• Mental and Emotional Health: Low self-esteem can lead to anxiety, depression, and negativity. Healthy self-esteem promotes resilience, embracing change and a positive outlook.

• Decision-Making: When we value ourselves, we make choices that align with our values and well-being, leading to a more fulfilling life.

• Physical Health: Self-esteem is connected to physical health. When we have healthy self-esteem, we are more likely to engage in self-care practices, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and seek medical attention when needed. This can result in better overall health.

Buddhist Teachings on Self-Esteem

Buddhism teaches us how to understand ourselves and develop healthy self-worth. One key teaching is the Middle Way, which encourages a balanced and moderate approach to life, avoiding extremes. This means not thinking too highly of ourselves but not being too critical. How do we do this? Loving-kindness (Metta) meditation. Close your eyes and focus on someone you naturally feel warmth towards, silently wishing them well-being and happiness. Then, slowly extend this feeling to yourself, using phrases like “May I be happy. May I be free from suffering.” When we practice loving-kindness and compassion on ourselves, we can learn to treat ourselves with the same care and respect as we treat others.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Healthy Self-Esteem

• Being Mindful
  Negative self-talk often happens on autopilot. We get caught in a cycle of self-criticism without even realising it. Mindfulness practice helps us become aware of our thoughts and feelings without judgment. For example, instead of harshly criticising ourselves for a mistake, we can acknowledge it and think about what we can learn from it. By observing these self-critical thoughts, we can choose not to be ruled by them.
  
  

• Exercise Self-Compassion
  Self-compassion is about being kind to ourselves, especially during difficult times. Simple exercises, like taking a self-compassion break or writing a compassionate letter to yourself, can help. When faced with a setback, instead of blaming yourself, try saying, “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment?” This approach encourages us to be our own best friend.
  
  

• Set Realistic Goals
  

  Setting goals can sometimes feel daunting, but it can also be a meaningful way to boost your self-esteem. Goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). For example, let’s say your goal was to get fit. Instead of aiming to “get fit”, which is vague, set the goal to “walk for 30 minutes thrice a week.” This way, it breaks down goals into smaller steps, helping you see progress more efficiently and build confidence.
  
  

• Celebrate Achievements
  Celebrating achievements, big or small, is a great way to feel more confident, as it reinforces our competence and worth. Keep a journal to track daily accomplishments, such as completing a work project or making time for a hobby. This helps you appreciate your accomplishments, fostering a positive self-image.
  
  

• Minimise Comparisons
  With social media, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to others. But we need to realise that everyone’s journey is unique. So, instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on where you are and what you have; focus on your progress and personal growth. By minimising comparisons with others, we can significantly boost our self-esteem. Practising gratitude for your achievements can also shift your perspective from comparison to contentment.
  
  

• Practice Gratitude
  Reflect regularly on what you are grateful for. Practising gratitude can improve self-esteem by shifting our focus from what we lack to what is abundant, encouraging a more positive outlook on life. So, the more you focus on the good things, no matter how big or small, the better you will feel about yourself and your life.
  

Conclusion

Cultivating healthy self-esteem is a personal journey that requires patience and practice. It demands effort and self-reliance because it is an inside-out process. While understanding and accepting yourself might be daunting at first, it’s the foundation of this process. We can develop self-worth by integrating mindfulness, self-compassion, goal-setting, and other strategies into our daily lives. With healthy self-esteem and self-worth, we can confidently tackle the challenges that come our way.

We offer various resources and tools to support your journey to healthier self-esteem. Explore our enrichment courses, or join our weekly teaching sessions onsite or on YouTube and Facebook for guidance from Singha Rinpoche.