It is human nature to want love and to be loved, and so when we give love, we naturally expect love in return. We often attach conditions to love because the patterns, rules and beliefs of our environment, relationships, society, and ego have trained us so. Take for example, the relationship between a married couple where the wife expects the husband to meet certain materialistic standards to maintain their affection and approval. The wife may expect the husband to earn a high level of income so that they may achieve a certain social status and live a high life. If the husband falls short of those expectations, the wife expresses disappointment and frustration. The husband may feel pathetic and dejected, thinking that the love and approval of his wife are dependent on his income and their social status. This is conditional love, where giving love is tied to meeting a partner’s specific expectations or conditions. 

Buddha has taught us that love is universal. It is a transformative force that can bring inner harmony and peace. In other words, love is about accepting people's strengths and weaknesses and embracing them. When we love without boundaries or conditions and embrace all beings with kindness and compassion, we broaden our perspective and practice unconditional love. We love one another no matter what.

How Can We Practice Unconditional Love?

Unconditional love is hard because many think they must be loved to be happy. Loving unconditionally requires that we become unselfish and not expect our love to be reciprocated. For example, can we be happy when others are happy? Can we celebrate their success without feeling jealous? If we can’t answer these questions with a confident ‘no’, then we do not love unconditionally. That is why loving unconditionally is hard because it requires constant effort to control our negative emotions and practice compassion and selflessness towards others. However, if we can internalise the concept of unconditional love and practise applying it in our lives, we can experience the benefits of a joyful and purposeful life.

Here are some practical ways we can practice loving unconditionally:

1. Nurture self-compassion and self-love
   There is a saying: “Love yourself first before loving others.” The practice of unconditional love begins with us being mindful of our thoughts and emotions and how they affect others. We must be mindful of our actions and reactions to others and strive to be the kindest and best version of ourselves. We embrace and accept ourselves for what we are. We treat ourselves with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness and recognise that we, too, are worthy of love and acceptance. When we show compassion to ourselves, we build the foundation for self-love. When we have self-love, we become more aware of our interconnectedness with all beings on earth and how our actions affect everyone. By nurturing self-compassion and self-love, we create a source of love to give freely and unconditionally to those around us.
   
   

2. Practice non-attachment
   

   Buddha taught that at the heart of unconditional love lies the principle of non-attachment. To embody unconditional love, it is essential to practice non-attachment. This involves letting go of our clinging to external possessions, the physical body, and the mind’s identity. However, it does not mean we become aloof or unfeeling; rather, it encourages us to acknowledge and accept the impermanence of things – relationships, experiences, emotions, and life. By becoming unattached, and realising that nothing is permanent, we can easily give love unconditionally because we are not fixated on how things must and should be.
   
   

3. Rise in Love, Not Fall in Love

   Falling in love is an incredible feeling. However, Singha Rinpoche shares that rather than fall in love, we should instead, rise in love. When we have a relationship with someone, we must compliment the other person and love without judgement. He distinguishes that falling in love is akin to thinking small, where personal needs become more important than the needs of others. Rising in love, on the other hand, involves considering and appreciating the needs of others and making room in our hearts for everyone. This kind of love is expansive, and it makes us greater than who we are.  When we make room for everyone in our hearts, we acknowledge that all beings are interconnected, and our happiness is intertwined with the happiness of others. When we accept this knowledge, we become more peaceful and happier.

Conclusion

In conclusion, to practise unconditional love requires constant effort and awareness. It is about shifting our mindset from conditional expectations to accepting others for what they are, realising that all beings are interconnected, and our happiness is intertwined.

Loving unconditionally is a practice that requires constant awareness and effort. The more we practice, the better we become at giving love unconditionally. When we do so, we can feel its transformative effects and discover that our capacity to love is boundless and boundaryless. That’s when happiness radiates.

We hope we have inspired you to reflect on the meaning of unconditional love so that you may experience its transformative power in your relationships. 

Remember to Rejoice for Others

Finally, don’t forget to rejoice. For those in relationships and would like a better relationship with your spouse or loved ones, it is important to practice unconditional love and rejoice for others in harmonious and loving relationships. For those of us who are single and yearning for companionship, sincerely rejoice when others find love. When we celebrate the happiness of others in relationships, we create good karma and open our hearts to welcome the same happiness to happen in our lives.

So, the next time a friend shares news of their blossoming romance, engagement, or wedding anniversary, celebrate their joy wholeheartedly and sincerely. The positivity generated will attract more growth and happiness in your love and relationships.

Click here to watch this short video as Singha Rinpoche shares his insights for love and relationships!