Let's look at these scenarios:

Scenario 1: You’ve recently experienced a breakup and are struggling to let go of your feelings for your ex-partner. You constantly check your ex's social media profiles, reminisce about the relationship, or refuse to accept it's over. You still hold onto the hope that your ex will want to reconcile with you one day, but until then, you suffer alone. 

Scenario 2: You are a mother of two amazing young children, yet sometimes you feel unhappy about how your physical appearance has changed after childbirth whenever you look in the mirror. This unhappiness, or dissatisfaction with your physical image, leads to unhealthy diets and an obsession with exercise.

Scenario 3: You have recently changed jobs and are struggling to adjust to the pay cut. You feel attached to the idea of having a higher pay in the past and cannot feel satisfied about the job change and see how there are prospective areas for growth. This leads to a constant checking for new jobs in the market and looking at other salaries, even though the current job is a perfect fit in other areas such as career growth and development opportunities.

In all cases, attachment is evident and is the source of suffering. Attachment, no matter how temporary, can make it harder to adapt to life’s ups and downs. It can create expectations that may not be met and make it difficult to cope with change. It also prevents us from savouring the present moment and being content.

So, what does "letting go" mean?

Letting go means releasing our attachment to people, things, ideas, and desires that bind us to suffering. It means releasing any negative emotions holding us back, like anger, resentment, or unhappiness, and freeing ourselves from any attachments burdening us. But letting go can be difficult. We may fear that if we let go, we will have nothing else to cling to because we cannot see other alternatives to help us find inner peace and happiness. The key is to look within ourselves and cultivate a sense of contentment that isn't dependent on external circumstances or factors.  

How do we let go?

Adopt a Mindset of Non-Attachment

Non-attachment is at the heart of Buddhist teachings on letting go. It means appreciating the beauty of life's experiences, relationships, and possessions without becoming overly dependent on them for our happiness. Non-attachment doesn't mean being indifferent or detached from life. Instead, it encourages us to appreciate what we have while acknowledging its impermanence. By adopting this mindset, we free ourselves from seeking validation or fulfilment through external sources. Instead, we find contentment within ourselves, making it easier to let go of attachments and desires that lead to suffering. 

Accept Change and Surrender Control

Buddhism teaches us that impermanence is the nature of life; everything in life changes, and nothing is permanent. When we accept this reality, we can let go of our attachment to people, things, ideas, and circumstances. We learn to adapt to new situations and let go of our need to have absolute control. By letting go of the need to control everything, we free ourselves from the anxiety and stress that often accompany our attachments and desires. Embracing change and surrendering control is a significant step towards letting go.

Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is about being fully aware of the present moment without judgement; observing our thoughts, emotions, and attachments without getting caught up in them. What’s great about mindfulness is that it can be practiced anywhere, and at any time; for example, while we are walking or eating. When we practice mindfulness, we learn to notice these mental states as they come, and in doing so, we create space between ourselves and our reactions. This space helps us release negative thoughts, emotional attachments, and from being caught up in the past or carried away in the worries of the future. When we focus on the present, and taking care of it, we can assure a good future.

The same is true with meditation – when we meditate, we aim to focus on the present moment by paying attention to our breath, body, and surroundings. However, while meditating, our minds may often wander to the past or future. Through meditation, we notice these micro moments, and practice letting go of the thoughts, emotions, or attachments by acknowledging them and returning to the present moment repeatedly through breath anchoring or recitations.

At Thekchen Choling, we offer short meditation courses to help our participants develop mindfulness that will lead to a healthier, happier mind. By consistently practising mindfulness in meditation, we can cultivate a more peaceful and non-attached mindset. If you are interested, you may click here to register for our upcoming meditation course happening in April this year.

Be Forgiving

We know it can be hard to let go of past hurts, anger, or grudges, but to move on and move forward in life, we need to be forgiving. Forgiving is an important aspect of this process as it helps us let go of the emotional baggage that is holding us back. Forgiveness is crucial for healing and unburdening our hearts and minds. When we forgive, it doesn’t mean we condone past painful or harmful actions; rather, it frees us from the emotional weight of anger and resentment, making it easier to move forward with greater clarity and inner peace.

Gratitude Contemplation

“Every day, think as you wake up, ‘I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it.”  – The Dalai Lama

Indeed, each day when we wake up, we are presented with twenty-four, brand new hours – a gift that life offers us. We can become aware of this wonderful gift and feel grateful for what we already have. When we practice gratitude contemplation, we shift our focus from what we lack to what we have. By regularly reflecting on what we're grateful for – our health, relationships, or simple joys like the sun or the blue sky – we nurture a sense of contentment with the present moment. This helps us let go of the constant yearning for more and trains our minds to appreciate the abundance surrounding us. Gratitude contemplation allows us to appreciate each day and moment before they disappear.

Conclusion: Embrace Letting Go and Discover Inner Freedom

While it may seem challenging at first to embrace these principles, each step we take brings us closer to a more satisfying and unburdened life.

In today’s busy and chaotic world, letting go can help us feel more at ease and gain inner peace as we move forward. By focusing on ourselves, we learn to accept who we are, whatever our situation is, and let go of trying to control everything. We can find peace in the present moment and not rely on others or external factors for validation.

Letting go is not losing; it's gaining clarity, peace, and freedom, but it's an ongoing practice that demands patience, self-compassion, and courage.

“Many people have the desire to let go, but they’re not able to do so because they don’t yet have enough insight; they haven’t seen other alternatives, other doorways to peace and happiness. Fear is an element that prevents us from letting go. We’re fearful that if we let go, we’ll have nothing else to cling to. Letting go is a practice; it’s an art. One day, when you’re strong enough and determined enough, you’ll let go of the afflictions that make you suffer.” – excerpt from the book, Answers from the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh.

May we all find the strength to let go of what no longer serves us, discovering true freedom within ourselves. 

Find out more about our Dharma teachings on our YouTube channel, or join us for our weekly Dharma teachings at Thekchen Choling Singapore.