Parenting is a journey that challenges us to grow and evolve as individuals and compassionate beings. If you’re a parent, you have probably noticed how much you have changed since your child was born. Perhaps you have become more patient or selfless as you prioritise your child’s interests. Nothing trains us to become better than raising tiny human beings who not only bring us joy and laughter but also test our patience and sanity.

Parents want the best for their children. We love our children and do our best to provide them with resources and a conducive environment so they may thrive and grow. We are responsible for providing them with academic education and instilling values that nurture them into compassionate and kind-hearted individuals.

How can we, as Buddhist parents, raise our children so that they can contribute to the betterment of society and the world?

This is where parenting with bodhicitta, or a compassionate mindset, comes in.

What is Bodhicitta?

Bodhicitta is a Sanskrit term that loosely translates to “awakening mind” in English. It embodies our capacity for love and compassion, enabling us to empathise with others.

At the heart of bodhicitta is the desire to alleviate the suffering of all sentient beings and guide them towards enlightenment. This overwhelming sense of compassion goes beyond family and includes all beings.

To put it simply, bodhicitta is like having a superpower called compassion. It means caring deeply for others, striving to help and make them happy, much like a parent’s love for their child. It fosters kindness, benevolence, and a genuine concern for the well-being of all. Imagine if everyone in the world embraced bodhicitta—it would be a much happier and more peaceful place!

Parenting with bodhicitta encourages us to view our children not as our possessions but as precious sentient beings deserving of love and respect. When we acknowledge this, we let go of our attachment, making it easier to practice bodhicitta while nurturing their growth and development.

Applying Bodhicitta in Parenting

Parents play a significant role in influencing their children’s emotional and spiritual development. This influence has a great responsibility as our children model after us, especially during their formative years.

By embodying bodhicitta in our parenting approach, we create a nurturing environment that supports our children’s physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Our actions and behaviour become filled with kindness, compassion, and wisdom, which helps mould our children into good and kind-hearted beings.

What does “applying bodhicitta in parenting” mean? Before we delve deeper into this, ask yourself: Have you ever noticed how your attitude changes towards your child when they did well or upset you? You probably found it easier to care for your child when they’ve pleased you, but when they’ve done something to upset you, you feel like giving up on them. This happens because you’re still attached to your own idealistic expectations towards your children instead of accepting them as they are.

When we practice parenting with bodhicitta, we shift our perspective from “my child” to “sentient being”. We see our children as precious and kind beings in our lives. In Buddhism, we believe every living being has been our parent since countless times, not just as humans, but also as animals and other beings. When sentient beings were our mother or father, they showed us kindness in four ways: keeping us safe, teaching us, enduring hardships and sometimes doing things to make us happy even at the expense of doing something wrong. So, when we think of our children as a sentient being and as one of the countless mothers in our past lives, we care for them from a place of empathy, patience, gratitude and unconditional love just as we would for any sentient being. 

With bodhicitta, our attitude towards our children won’t be easily influenced by our emotions or expectations, that usually causes us to react negatively. For instance, when the child does good, we celebrate and cherish them, and when they struggle, we use the chance to support their growth rather than get frustrated. We become motivated to care for them as cherished sentient beings because we embody bodhicitta in our parenting approach.

This approach not only benefits our children but also helps us, as Buddhist parents, to experience personal growth and fulfilment.

Nurturing Virtues in Our Children

“It is vital that when educating our children’s brains that we do not neglect to educate their hearts.” 

– Dalai Lama

Children are crucial to shaping society’s future. In addition to academic education, the parents’ role is vital in cultivating virtues in their children. We do this by nurturing the qualities of bodhicitta, such as kindness, compassion, empathy, and selflessness. Teaching them to empathise and to be kind and generous to others, such as involving them in charitable activities such as volunteering at an animal shelter, or teaching them to give to people in need, helps them to develop bodhicitta and become individuals who contribute positively to the communities they serve and benefit the wider society.

By nurturing these qualities in our children, we are building a foundation for a more peaceful and harmonious world.

Finding Joy and Fulfilment in Parenting

Parenting with bodhicitta is not easy. There will be moments of inner struggles where we might fall back to our negative habitual ways to educate our children. However, we can reframe these difficult moments as opportunities for growth and transformation. View every interaction with our children, no matter how mundane or challenging, as a chance to have a deeper understanding of ourselves and progress on our spiritual journey.

If we can learn to celebrate the hardships and find solace in knowing that our efforts contribute to the greater good and well-being of sentient beings, we can positively impact our children’s lives and develop a sense of happiness and contentment.

Furthermore, when our behaviour and actions are motivated by bodhicitta, it will become a cause for future enlightenment.

Conclusion

Parenting with bodhicitta is a spiritual practice that requires us to prioritise the welfare of all beings over our own self-centeredness. It takes effort, awareness, and consistent practice. By creating a nurturing environment and consciously interacting with our children compassionately, wisely, and selflessly, we can help them thrive and build meaningful lives.

As we go through the ups and downs of our parenting journey, may we always remember the transformative power of bodhicitta in shaping our family lives and contributing to a more compassionate world.

May the light of bodhicitta guide you and your family towards a more fulfilling parenting journey.

If you're a parent seeking to nourish your spiritual growth with Buddhism or seeking advice on your parenting journey, Thekchen Choling offers courses and programs to support you.