What is Emotional Intelligence? 

It may sound like a complex term, but emotional intelligence simply means recognising, understanding, and managing our emotions while being aware of how others feel. It helps us build strong relationships, handle stress, and make thoughtful decisions. 

So, why is it important for youth to develop emotional intelligence? And how can we, as caregivers or educators, guide them in this process?  

Why Emotional Intelligence Matters for Youth 

Emotional intelligence isn’t just a “nice-to-have”—it’s a crucial skill that shapes how young people interact with the world. When youth can recognise and regulate their emotions, they’re better equipped to handle stress, communicate effectively, and navigate social situations with confidence. 

However, today’s digital distractions can make it harder for young people to connect with their emotions. With 24/7 entertainment, constant scrolling, and fewer in-person interactions, many youths struggle to process their feelings in a healthy way. Some experts suggest that this overwhelming exposure to screens and social media may be contributing to a decline in emotional intelligence, making it harder for them to develop empathy and resilience. 

A great example of emotional intelligence in action comes from the animated film Inside Out. In the movie, Riley, a young girl, experiences a whirlwind of emotions after moving to a new city. Her emotions—Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust—have an important role in helping her process her experiences. 

One of the key lessons from Inside Out is that all emotions, even the ones we might consider “negative,” have value. Sadness, for instance, helps Riley express what she’s going through and seek comfort from those who care about her. Similarly, emotional intelligence helps our youth understand that every emotion has a purpose and that it’s okay to feel various things throughout the day. 

A Simple 3-Step Guide to Building Emotional Intelligence 

We know that guiding young people through their emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially in today’s ever-changing world. That’s why we would like to introduce a simple, easy-to-remember approach that caregivers, parents, and educators can use to support youth in developing emotional intelligence. 

Here’s how it works: 

1. Stop & Pause: Recognise the Emotion 

The first step is to encourage youth to stop and pause when they experience strong emotions. Instead of reacting impulsively, taking a moment to acknowledge what they’re feeling can help them gain clarity. 

For example, if a teenager is frustrated after a disagreement with a friend, they might be tempted to lash out or withdraw. Instead, you can guide them to pause and ask: 

What am I feeling right now?

Where do I feel this emotion in my body? 

By taking this small step, they become more aware of their emotions rather than being controlled by them. 

2. Enquire: Understand the Emotion 

Once they’ve identified the emotion, the next step is to enquire—asking deeper questions to understand the root cause of their feelings. This helps them reflect on their emotions and recognise patterns in their reactions. 

For example, after identifying frustration, the teen might ask: 

Why do I feel this way? 

How is this affecting my actions? 

What can I do to express this emotion in a healthy way? 

Encouraging these reflections helps youth see that emotions aren’t just reactions—they’re signals guiding them to understand themselves better. 

3. Empower: Choose a Healthy Response 

 The final step is empowering youth to take positive action. Instead of letting emotions dictate their behaviour, they can choose how they want to respond in a way that aligns with their values and long-term well-being. 

For example, rather than sending an angry text or ignoring their friend, the teen could: 

Take a deep breath and cool off before responding. 

Write down their thoughts before having a conversation. 

Choose to express their feelings calmly and openly. 

Empowering youth with these tools helps them manage their own emotions and strengthens their relationships with others. 

The Role of Compassion in Emotional Intelligence   

Developing emotional intelligence isn’t just about managing our own feelings—it’s also about fostering compassion for others. In Buddhism, compassion is deeply linked to self-awareness. The more we understand our own emotions, the better we can relate to and support others. 

As the Dalai Lama says, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” When we teach young people to recognise and process their feelings, we also guide them toward deeper empathy and stronger connections with those around them. 

At the heart of it, emotional intelligence is about balance. It helps us navigate life with both wisdom and kindness, much like the principles of Buddhist teachings.

Did You Know We Have a Youth Program That Supports Emotional Intelligence? 

Emotional intelligence isn’t a skill that develops overnight—it’s a lifelong journey of self-awareness, reflection, and growth. As caregivers, we play a vital role in helping young people navigate their emotions and build a strong foundation for the future. 

At Thekchen Choling Temple, we recognise the importance of emotional intelligence in shaping compassionate, visionary, and inspiring leaders. That’s why our Dharma Youth Program focuses on helping youth develop self-awareness, emotional resilience, and positive interactions with others. By nurturing these qualities, we empower young people to lead with wisdom and compassion. 

If you’d like to learn more about how to support youth in their emotional and spiritual growth, check out our Dharma Youth Program and other Dharma teachings at Thekchen Choling. Let’s together guide the next generation toward a future filled with understanding, connection, and inner peace.